Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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