im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
MIDGETS
????
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
