i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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