Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
