strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
