You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
