are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
