you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Couch. On fire.
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