i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
