Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
