The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
