I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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