Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
