pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
