I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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