Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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