I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
