I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I feel like a drive thru vagina
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
