Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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