i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
