i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
