she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
