yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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