God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
