The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
These tits shall not be calmed
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