Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
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