Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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