Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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