I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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