I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
