Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
