Heybabeimwearingurpanties
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
