I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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