Her vagina should come with caution tape.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
