I just saw a hot homeless man
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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