dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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