I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
