Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
