I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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