glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
