She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
