your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
