Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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