Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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