so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
