Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
