I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
