So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
