just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
