This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
