Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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