So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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