I heard we made out
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
